


Espionage

by jedi_fish81



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: A New Hope and beyond Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, Jedi Leia Organa, M/M, Pre A New Hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-19 12:28:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13704480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedi_fish81/pseuds/jedi_fish81
Summary: Pre A New Hope and beyond alternate universe Han/Mara swap with a backstory.As with anything all characters, settings, etc are licensed property of Lucasfilm LTD. The story is my own creation, but may include the headcanons of other writers as well as readers.Enjoy—Fish





	1. Chapter 1

One year BBY

Leia Organa had become accustomed to ill kept cantinas and dive bars the longer she worked for the Rebellion. Her father had quietly built the Rebellion against the Empire around the time of her birth. It had been almost twenty year since the birth of the Rebellion and though it was becoming more and more organized everyday, much of its dealings took place in smoky back rooms and Sabacc Dens. Oddly, Leia, the Princess of Alderaan had quickly learned to blend in and she had become quite the accomplished gambler in the process. She was good enough to hold her own and smart enough not to draw attention to herself by being too good. 

Leia scanned the room for her contact and lit a cigarette nursing her third ale of the evening. The smoking she liked, the drinking she could do without. She didn’t like the way it dulled her senses, even as careful as she was with her intake. She leaned back against the ripped bantha leather booth. This place had been nice once, she’d guessed during the Old Republic Era it had been a favorite of diplomats, but now—now she was glad to be wearing a hood over her hair as she wasn’t sure she’d want any part of her body touching the dingy surface. 

Her contact was three hours late. She sighed sending a message to Tycho to let her know that the contact was not coming and that she was headed back and that’s when she felt it, a ripple in the force as she snuffed out her cigarette. She knew not to look around, she knew better than to acknowledge the other force worker in the room. They were dark, she—she was dark and Leia needed to get out of there. 

She slipped down the hall to the freshers and out the kitchen door into the back alley as her heart pounded in her chest. The dark force worker had definitely noticed her and she could feel her reaching out to her. 

I feel you. 

“Tycho.” Leia hissed into her commlink. “Get to the ship. I’m in trouble.” She spoke feeling the dark female presence and hearing footsteps behind her. 

“Got it.” 

“If I’m not there in an hour, leave without me.” She turned off her commlink and unhooked her lightsaber, the weight of it a comfort in her hand as she ducked down yet another alley and flattened herself against a cold brick wall, trying to blend into the darkness of the stormy Mandalorian night. She closed her eyes and slowed her breathing, doing her best to calm herself enough to clearmind whomever was following her. 

She could feel the dark force worker, she wasn’t a Sith, but she certainly wasn’t light either, she was so close she could hear her breathing. 

I know who you are. 

Leia drew her lightsaber the hiss of the blade empowering her as she stepped out of the shadows its violet glow illuminating her grey robes. “What do you want?” 

The dark woman drew her own lightsaber a mirror image of Leia’s, the same violet blade and Leia knew exactly who she was. Mara Jade, The Emperor’s Hand, The Heir of Vader except she wasn’t, not really. Leia, was the true Heir of Vader and she knew exactly what Mara wanted with her. 

“Mara Jade.” Leia spoke first as they sized each other up. 

“Leia Skywalker.” Mara spoke as the rain hissed against her blade. 

“Organa.” Leia corrected. 

“Semantics.” Mara circled. “What brings the Princess of Alderaan to Mandalore?” 

“I am a member of the Imperial Senate, a diplomat on official business.” 

“In a dive bar.” 

“I enjoy the occasional game of Sabacc.” 

“The Princess of the People.” 

“That’s right.” Leia spoke wryly. 

“If they only knew who you really are.” Mara spoke watching Leia watch her. 

“What do you want?” Leia spoke assessing Mara and her surroundings, trying to anticipate her next move and continue to clearmind her at the same time. 

Mara smiled at her and her eyes flashed. “Do you know what your existence means to me?” 

“I have to assume you see me as a threat.” 

Mara watched her carefully. 

“As you have become the Heir of Vader in my place. You can’t take me to Vader or to Palpatine because what would become of you if I turned? I’d say you have two options. To let me go or to kill me.” 

“I can’t risk letting you go, you could be captured and turned.” 

Leia roller her eyes. “Of course you can’t.” 

Mara lunged at her. 

“There is a third option.” Leia spoke as their blades clashed for the first time. 

“Not for me, your highness.” 

Leia’s fighting style surprised Mara, she had expected her to fight in a dignified and regal manner like the Jedi of old. Instead, Leia fought dirty, her moves were less graceful and grandiose and more utilitarian. She fought hard, with strength rather than strategy, using her physicality more than her mind. Her anger more than her peace. She fought from the darkness like Mara. 

“You’re darker than I imagined, princess.” Mara spoke seeming to enjoy the fight. “It’s kind of sexy.” 

Leia raised an eyebrow. “Thought you are going to kill me. Sounds like you’d rather fuck.” 

“Fuck you.” 

“Apparently.” Leia struck catching her off guard, slicing deep into her side. 

“You are fucking dead, Organa.” Mara growled, the pain seeming to energize her. They fought in silence for a while matching each other move for move. 

Leia fought hard trying to back Mara against the opposite building and Mara let her, feigning injuries more severely than they actually had been. She waited for Leia to get in close and kicked hard knocking the wind out of her. Leia saw her missteps too late and before she could react, Mara was already in position to end their deadly Dejarik match. 

“Shit.” She breathed trying to summon her lightsaber. 

“Never trust an injury to give you the upper hand your highness.” Mara spoke kneeling over her, lightsaber at her throat. “Any last words your highness?” 

“Fuck you.” 

Mara laughed and hesitated, looking into Leia’s eyes. Gods she felt like a lighter version of her master, like the Queen he’d so desperately loved, like a spring day. 

Leia watched her. “What are you waiting for?” 

Mara shook her head trying to fight the light that was seeping into her consciousness. 

Leia watched Mara’s blood spread across the fabric of her robes. “Mara, you’d better finish this, before it finishes you.” 

Mara sat back on her heels. “Just go.” 

Leia got to her feet. 

Mara pressed her hand to her side and looked at the blood on her palm. No one had ever been able to get close enough to hurt her. She’d never seen so much of her own blood before. 

Leia reached out to her, she felt different as if the darkness had dissipated. “You can’t go back, can you?” 

Mara looked up at her still kneeling on the wet duracrete. 

“Shit.” Leia sighed and helped her to her feet. 

“M’your prisoner now, is that it?” Mara spoke through clenched teeth with her arm over her eyes as Leia patched her up in she and Tycho’s apartment. 

Leia sighed. “You did try to kill me.” 

“M’sorry.” Mara looked at her. 

Leia stared into her eyes blue-green the color of Alderaanian Starflowers. She did not like the feelings that those eyes stirred in her gut. “Just rest, we’ll talk about it later.” Leia got up. 

“Leia.” Mara spoke quietly as Leia crossed to the door. “I’d like to defect.” 

“You sure?” 

“Don’t see that I have much of a choice.” 

Leia nodded. “Let me talk to Tycho.” 

“Your girlfriend?” 

Leia laughed a little. “No, my mission partner.” 

“I don’t like this.” Tycho spike as Leia sat down in the lounge. “We have the Heir of Vader in our home base.” 

“Tycho, you know I’m the real Heir of Vader.” 

She nodded scrubbing the back of her head. “Yeah, yeah I know.” 

“She wants to defect.” 

“You think she means it?” 

Leia nodded. 

“Should we head back to Alderaan?” 

She nodded. “I need to consult with father and Master Tano.” 

“Is she still dark?” 

“No, but I’m not sure if her connection to her Master is broken.” 

“Does that mean he can locate her?” 

“I think she’s clearminding him.” 

“Why?” 

“Because she’s not dark anymore, and I think he’d probably be very upset to know that she’d turned.” 

“Can’t she go back to being dark if she wants to?” 

“I don’t know, that’s why I need to talk to Master Tano. Master Tano knew her master before he went dark.” 

Tycho nodded. “When can she be moved?” 

“Anytime.” 

“Good, the sooner we get somewhere she can be locked up the better. Let’s go.” 

“Tycho, she’s resting.” 

Tycho raised an eyebrow at her. “This, this is what I don’t like, Leia. Why do you care if she’s resting?” 

“I almost killed her.”

“She was trying to kill you.” 

“I need to talk to Master Tano, something happened in that alley.”

“Leia, I know she’s your type, but...”

“You’re not funny.” She crosses her arms across her chest. 

“I’m hilarious, but that’s beside the point. This feels like that.” 

Leia sighed a sigh of concession. “That’s why I need to talk to Master Tano.”


	2. Defection

Leia sat on the jump seat in the med bay of the Invictus as they headed to Alderaan with their defector. 

“What are you going to shoot me if I head for the airlock?” Mara breathed, the pain keeping her still, the limited med supplies keeping her alive but not able to keep her comfortable. 

Leia looked at her lap and shook her head. She didn’t want to admit to her that she was there so she wouldn’t have to be in pain alone, or that she’d kept watch over her while she’d slept at the Mandalorian apartment. “No.” 

“You felt it didn’t you?” 

“Felt you pass from the darkness into the light? Yeah.” 

“No, no not that.” Mara looked at her. “Between us.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Leia lied looking up and away. She knew exactly what Mara was taking about and she’d certainly felt it. 

“You’re lying.” 

“You don’t know me well enough to say something like that.” 

I can feel it. 

Leia looked at her. “How did this happen to you?” 

“I was taken as a child. My parents were killed and I was taken directly to Vader.” 

“Were you old enough to remember?” 

She nodded looking away at the bulkhead. “Vader took those memories from me when I turned, but they’re back now.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s not your fault.” 

“He’s my father.” 

“How long have you known?” 

“I was five when I had a temper tantrum so strong that I blew out all of the windows in the palace.” 

Mara smiled at her. 

“Papa made an announcement stating that it was a natural gas explosion.” 

“Was anyone hurt?” 

Leia nodded looking at her lap. “Ten people needed stitches, all because I wanted a puppy.” She shook her head. “I was mortified.” 

Mara reached out and took her hand. “Vader was teaching me how to kill at five. I don’t even want to think about how many stormtroopers were maimed or killed while I learned how to kill with my mind.” 

“I guess my grief seems sort of silly.” Leia started. 

“No, that’s not what I mean. All I wanted was a puppy too and instead I got, ‘once more my child’.” 

A chill ran down Leia’s spine and she looked at their hands together. Mara‘s that had killed without her consent and her own that had not, not yet. Even though she knew that they would have to some day. She wondered if she felt like Vader to Mara or if she felt like Anakin to Master Tano. She knew he’d been both of their master and she wondered, he must’ve felt different to each of them. Her hands, Mara’s hands weren’t so different, they had both wielded great power. She didn’t know though, which hands were wrong and which hands were right. 

“You felt it, didn’t you? You feel it now.” Mara spoke quietly. “You know why I couldn’t kill you.” 

“I know.” 

..

Leia sat in her study in the palace still wearing her bloodstained robes. She hadn’t been back much since moving to Coruscant to join the Imperial Senate. Everything felt so much smaller than she’d remembered. She sighed chewing on her thumbnail, she needed to talk with Master Tano, but Master Tano was assessing Mara. 

Mara. 

Mara. 

Mara. 

Fuck, pull yourself together Organa. She’s shook her head. Just because you want her, doesn’t mean you can have her. Doesn’t mean you should have her. Get you mind out of your...

“Leia.” Winter let herself in abruptly pulling her out of her own thoughts.

Leia sighed standing up. 

“Whoa, who‘s blood is that?” 

“Not mine.” 

“You should change.” Winter spike embracing her. 

“M’fine.” She spoke grateful for her embrace. 

“Leia, I know you’ve been gone a while, but this is Alderaan we don’t walk around with other people’s blood on our clothes.” 

“Shut up.” She spoke holding her tightly. 

“Tycho said you brought back the Heir of Vader and promptly fell in love with her.” 

“Tycho needs to learn when to keep her fucking mouth shut.” Leia bit out angrily. 

“Come on.” Winter let her go and took her hand. “Let’s get you cleaned up. I’ve got a nice reisling waiting for you and you can tell me all about that fiery haired Imperial agent you’re pining after.” 

“M’not pining.” Leia argued but let Winter pull her across the room. 

“Don’t try to lie to me Lei, I’m your sister, I know you.” 

“Is it that obvious?”

“If Tycho picked up on it, it’s that obvious.” 

Leia sighed defeatedly. 

Bail Organa watched Ahsoka Tano freely venture into Mara’s mind looking for inconsistencies or clues to her true allegiances. She had expected Mara to fight her, but instead she was surprisingly open and unguarded as she searched the depths and forgotten places. She saw her kidnapping and the murder of her parents, the constant rigorous training, the pain, all of the horrible pain that had been inflicted on her mind so young. Ahsoka had loved Anakin but she could have killed him for what he’d done to turn this this child to the darkness. She knew that Obi Wan had done the right thing in hiding Luke and Leia from him. 

“Please.” Mara breathed. “Please stop.” She pushed back a bit. 

“I’m sorry.” Ahsoka pulled back. “Are you alright.” 

She nodded catching her breath. “Vader took those memories from me when I turned.” 

“He didn’t take anything. He just blocked them.” 

She nodded. “They all flooded back when Leia... when she did whatever she did.” 

“She broke your bond with your Master.” 

“How?” 

“I’m not sure exactly how it happened, but it’s gone.” 

Mara nodded. “So, What now Viceroy? I rot away in some sort of prison?” 

Bail shrugged. “Leia said you defected.” 

She looked at her lap. 

“What are your plans? You defect, you want to help the rebellion, no?” 

“They killed my parents. Trained me to kill as a child. They made me weapon.” She spoke to her hands. “And I liked it.” 

“Do you like it now?” 

She shook her head. “I need some time.” 

“To decide on whether or not you want to go back?” Bail threw up his hands. 

“No, I can’t go back, I don’t want to go back. I just don’t know if I want to be your weapon.” 

Ahsoka looked at Bail. “I don’t think anyone is talking about that, are they Bail?” 

“That’s disgusting, of course not. This is Alderaan...”

“This is the rebellion.” Mara shot back. “War is hell.” 

“Not at any cost.” Bail spoke firmly. 

“I want to work with Leia.” 

“Absolutely not!” Bail almost shouted. 

“Bail, she trusts Leia. Leia took the darkness.” 

“No, she hasn’t proven to me that she won’t take Leia directly back to the Emperor to regain favor.” Bail shouted. “I swore I’d protect Leia! Breha and I raised her, she’s my little girl! I won’t let you take her to them to be killed or tortured or turned into what you were!” 

“They force bonded!” Ahsoka broke her calm. 

“You!” Bail lunged at her. “Me cago en tus muertos!” 

“No!” Ahsoka grabbed him. “Not like that. During their fight something happened, they force bonded. It took away the darkness.” 

“Ahsoka, with Breha gone, Leia is all I have left.” 

Ahsoka nodded. “She’s not a Sith. She’s not just going to go dark again on a whim. Especially, not with Leia around.” 

“Can I see her?” Mara spoke quietly. “She was still walking around with my blood on her robes. Is she alright?” 

“She’s with her sister.” Bail cleared his throat. 

Mara looked at her hands in her lap. 

“I’ll send for her.” 

She nodded. 

“Let me go to her.” Ahsoka got up. “I’m sure she has questions.” 

“You want me to sit with you?” Bail spoke looking around the infirmary suite after Ahsoka had made her exit. 

“You don’t have to. I’m not accustomed to having anyone around.” 

“You and Leia, you’re about the same age, yes?” 

She nodded. 

He watched her, studied her features and wondered if he’d known her parents. “Where’s your home?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.” 

“You don’t remember?” 

She shook her head. 

“That’s horrible, I’m sorry.” 

Mara nodded picking nervously at the filmsi tape holing her IV in place. “The memories that flooded back that night in the alley hurt bad enough. It’s probably best I don’t remember much more.” 

“This could be home.” 

“I don’t know that the peaceful citizens of Alderaan would want me here.” 

“This is Leia’s home.” 

Mara cleared her throat. “Listen, I know that she’s royalty and that you have plans for her with treaties and consorts and whatever...” She sighed. “I didn’t mean for that to happen, to force bond.” She rambled nervously. 

Bail chuckled. “That’s never been something that was in the cards for Leia. Leia makes her own choices.” 

Mara nodded. “I thought you were going to kill me when you thought we’d...”

“I was.” He cut her off. “Because of your connection to Vader.” 

She nodded. 

Ahsoka padded down the cavernous halls of the palace the thick pile carpets crushing gently under her soft soled boots. She’d always loved the way it felt like walking on clouds. She could hear the piano playing softly in Leia’s study, nothing involved or serious, just Leia playing quietly and singing softly. Ahsoka recognized it as a song that Breha had sung to Leia when she’d had one of her night terrors. She knew Leia was still mourning her recent death and she wished she knew more about helping her through it. 

“Lei?” Ahsoka leaned on the doorframe. “You alright?” 

Leia stopped singing but continued to play the melody. “Winter got me a little wine drunk and then left because Tycho’s debrief is done. So, here I am missing my mum.” 

Ahsoka nodded moving to her and rubbing her back. “I’m sorry.”

She nodded, resting her head against her and closing her eyes. “I just wish I’d gotten home in time.” 

“She knew how much you loved her.” 

“I hope so.” 

Ahsoka just held her for a while not knowing what else to do. “I talked to Mara.” She broke the silence. 

Leia nodded. 

“You broke their connection.” 

“How?”

“You force bonded with her.” 

“Why?” 

“I don’t know.” 

Leia pulled away and looked at her. 

“I’m going to try and figure it out though, you’ll have all sorts of potential lives following you around if you force bond with each person you duel.” 

Leia laughed. “Does papa know?” 

She nodded. “How is he?” 

“Calm now.” 

“Is she really going to defect?” 

Ahsoka nodded. “She wants to work with you.” 

“I’m sure.” 

“You want to see her?” 

Leia nodded. 

“Come on.” Ahsoka took her hand and pulled her to her feet.


	3. The Princess

“Hey, papa.” Leia spoke quietly, letting herself into Mara’s infirmary suite. “I didn’t expect you to be here.”

“She is resting.” Bail spoke getting to his feet. “I stayed so she would not be alone, we talked a little, she seems very nice.” 

Leia smiled and shook her head. 

“I suppose I like her alright, Leia.” 

“Papa, we’re not there yet, alright?” 

“Si, but she is nice, and she cares about you.” 

“She barely knows me.” 

“Lelila, I’m trying.” 

“I know papa.” She hugged him. “It means a lot.” 

“Are you alright, mija?” 

She nodded. “I’m alright papa.” 

“Bail.” Ahsoka whispered from the hall. “Come on.” 

Leia watched Mara sleep, she still felt light and Master Tano had assured her that she’d stay light. She was pretty with her porcelain skin and her auburn hair. Though, she was thin enough that Leia wondered if she’d eaten in a while. She looked like she’d been going from mission to mission without much time to care for herself. She took her hand in both of her’s and examined the lightsaber burns that were scarred into the flesh. Her fingerprints had been burned off at some point in her life and regrooved for grip and to thwart any identification. When she turned her hand over she noticed the branched signature of force lightning burns down her arm. 

“What?” Mara asked gently. 

Leia looked at her. “Why would anyone hurt you like this.” 

“I was a very willful child, Leia.” 

“You don’t want to go back to that, do you?” 

Mara shook her head. “Someone saved me from all of that.” She sat up carefully. “And I never have to go back.” 

Leia smiled at her. 

“I feel like I’ve known you our entire lives.“ She shook her hand loose and ran her fingers through Leia’s hair. 

“Thats the force bond.” Leia spoke quietly. 

“Will it wear off?” Mara looked at her. 

She shook her head. “I think if anything it will intensify.” 

“In that case, I hope you’re open to being with a woman.” Mara spoke wryly. 

“I’m bi.” Leia shrugged. 

“Good thing.“

“How long do you have to stay here?” Leia spoke looked out the window. 

“They want to do one more bacta soak and then I can go. M’not sure where I’m going. Thought your father was going to put me in lockup, but I don’t think so.” 

“I’m sure you’re being put up in the palace.” Leia assured her. 

“As a guest of the Viceroy?” 

“Of the princess.” 

“Your bed then, I see.” She raised an eyebrow. 

“Easy hotshot. We’re not there yet.” 

Mara smiled at her. “Black.” She gestured to her robes. “I wouldn’t‘ve guessed.” 

“I wear enough white as the princess and when I’m on the Senate floor I have to wear such heavy intricate gowns. When I’m here I wear my robes.” 

“Heard about your mother, what a terrible way to make succession.” 

“I didn’t.” 

Mara raised an eyebrow. “Because you’re adopted?” 

She shrugged. “Parliament voted against my succession to the throne.” 

“But you’re still the princess.” 

“In title only.” She looked at her hands. 

“Then who is the ruling monarch?”

“Papa, as the King Consort. If he were to take a wife and she bore him an heir that child would be next in line.” 

“Does parliament want that?” 

Leia nodded. “It’s all over the Holonet.” 

“Gods, that’s ghoulish.” 

Leia nodded tearing up. 

“M’sorry.” Mara stroked her cheek. 

“Didn’t want it anyway.” She tried to stem the flow of tears and failed miserably. 

Mara pulled her in close, she didn’t have a lot of experience with this sort of thing, but she knew Leia was hurting a lot more than anyone else seemed to realize. She could feel her pain across their force bond and it gutted her. 

“I miss my mum.” She let the tears fall, feeling so safe in Mara’s arms. “I just miss her so much.” 

..

“A casually dressed and almost unrecognizable Senator Leia Organa was seen leaving the infirmary yesterday with a fiery haired mystery woman. Our Princess Leia who was not allowed succession by parliament just three short weeks ago has been noticeably absent from palace functions. King Consort Bail Organa has assured us that this is due to her rigorous Senate schedule. Organa 19, has yet to choose a suitor and has been completely unreachable since the Queen’s untimely death just a month ago.” Leia read from the holonet in the small private family kitchen. “All of Alderaan is curious about your new companion, your highness, are there wedding bells in your future or is this just a spring fling?” 

“M’sorry.” Mara spoke, her head in her hands leaning on the table. 

Leia shook her head. “Stop that. Is that anyway for the Princess of Alderaan’s fiery haired mystery lover to behave?” 

“You’re not upset?” Mara looked at her. “But what about your father?” 

She shook her head holding out her data pad to her. “The holos are actually pretty flattering.” 

Mara laughed taking it from her. 

Leia smiled sipping her caff. 

“Well, mija.” Bail walked in. “Inquiring minds want to know Lelila, are we planning a royal wedding or is this just a spring fling?” He poured himself a cup of caff. 

Leia laughed her big laugh. “Tell them what you always say.” 

“I do not meddle in the affairs of my daughter, la princesa is a grown woman and she can made her own decisions.” He spoke sitting down with them. “Are you making breakfast this morning mija, or shall I?” 

“I got it papa.” She spoke getting up. 

“Mara, do you cook?” 

She shook her head. “That wasn’t part of my training.” 

“You’ll have to learn, we don’t use staff around here unless we’re having a large state affair. Leia is an excellent cook, I’m sure she can teach you.” 

She nodded watching Beans watch her. Beans, Leia’s big brown soft eyed dog who followed her everywhere. Her protector, who growled and bared his teeth at strangers that got too close and had slept in her bed every night of his life, here or on Coruscant or on her ship in transit seemed to trust her as he trusted Leia. He rested his big heavy head in her lap and petted him, his thick soft fur warm and soothing to the touch. “Is this the puppy that you got so angry over?” 

Leia nodded. 

“Every window.” Bail lamented. “Do you have any idea how many credits that stray puppy cost me?” 

“Ah papa you love Beans.” Leia laughed. 

Bail raised an eyebrow and smiled at Mara. “He is very good at protecting you and he was a gift from the goddess for your night terrors, but he did eat my slippers and pee all over your mother’s herb garden.” 

Leia laughed. “She was so mad.” 

Mara felt her mood change and watched her push her sorrow down. 

“Tycho said your contact didn’t make it.” Bail spoke over breakfast. 

“It was a set up.” Mara spoke up. “There wasn’t a contact. I was trying to lure her out.” 

Bail and Leia looked at her. 

“It’s difficult to be the Heir of Vader when the Heir of Vader is still living.” 

Leia scrambled to her feet and grabbed a hold-out blaster from the sideboard. 

“Leia.” Mara got up keeping her hands up. 

“You’ve been tracking me for months.” She spoke, the blaster shaking in her grip. “That was you this whole time?” 

She nodded. 

“Do they know? Do they know it’s me? Did you tell them?” 

“No.” Mara reached out and disarmed her, handing the blaster to Bail. “My intent was to eliminate you before you became a problem.” 

Leia looked at her. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“I need some air.” Leia spoke making a quick exit, Beans following dutifully behind her. 

Mara let herself into Leia’s surprisingly eclectic childhood bedroom. She could see Leia standing on the curved balcony staring out across the expanse of pine forests and snow capped mountains. 

“Lei.” She spoke quietly stepping out the glass doors to join her. 

Leia took a drag off of her cigarette and looked at her. 

“I just assumed you did that for your missions.” 

She shook her head. “It drove mum crazy. She used to yell at papa about because he smoked cigarras.” She shrugged. “I’m under a lot of stress.” She spoke finishing her cigarette. 

“Listen, I’m sorry...” 

Leia shook her head. “It was self preservation, Mara. Isn’t that what this is all about? Everybody is just trying to survive?” 

She nodded joining her at the duracrete wall of the balcony. “Do you still understand how beautiful it is here or have you lived here so long you take it for granted?” 

“I took it for granted until I moved to Coruscant full time.” 

“Do you know, I’ve never lived on a planet. I was always on Vader’s destroyer or the Death Star, but never a real planet. Never dirtside.” Mara spoke looking out over the expanse. 

“So all you’ve ever known is durasteel and deck plates.” Leia spoke closing the distance between them. 

She nodded turning to face her. 

“You’ve never experienced snow or felt the grass between your toes?” She looked at her and folded some of her hair behind her ear. “Have you ever had a lover?” 

She nodded slipping her arms around her. “It wasn’t like this though. It was more about individual needs and sex than it was about anything else.” 

“I’ve never force bonded either.” 

“So it’s not usually quick like this.” 

“No.” Leia smiled at her. “I’ve been trying very hard not to kiss you.” 

“What do you think will happen?” 

“No idea but I’ve got to have a clear head, papa just got received some critical information about a new mission and I can be distracted by this. This could be the most important mission I’ve ever been assigned. So, we’d better figure this out quickly, that way we can control it.”

Mara reached out to her with her force presence and gauged her reaction. 

“Stop that.” Leia breathed. 

“Stop what?” 

“Whatever you’re doing.” 

“I’m not even sure what I’m doing.” Mara spoke pulling back. 

Leia kissed her and everything stopped she felt the air energize around them, she felt like she could shatter glass. She felt weightless as if they were floating. She could feel their bond tighten and stretch as their presences intertwined tighter and their consciences blended. She felt hyper aware and dulled at the same time. She could feel the blood rushing in her veins and she understood the caution against attachments. If Mara were to be killed, she wasn’t sure how it would affect her, but she knew she’d be forever scared in some way if she survived something catastrophic without her. 

“That’s wild.” Mara spoke catching her breath. “Is that what you were afraid of?” 

Leia nodded lighting a cigarette. 

“Gods.” Mara lit up. “Can we just do that forever?” 

“No, not until after we win the war.” 

Mara took her hand. 

“Then I promise you, we’ll spend months doing that and everything else.” 

“Well, if that’s my reward for defecting...”

Leia laughed. “I’m not going to make you wait that long.” 

“Gods I hope not, you don’t seem like a prude.” 

“That’s part of the reason I think I wasn’t allowed to take my mother’s crown. My adoption wasn’t an issue when I became the crown princess of Alderaan as a child, but suddenly an opinionated, promiscuous nineteen year old was too much for parliament.” 

“Old men in groups rarely make good decisions.” 

Leia smiled at her. “Gods, that’s the truth.”


	4. Practice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut! Pure unadulterated non-heterosexual smut. If it’s not your thing skip the majority of this chapter. Don’t be an asshole, if it’s not your thing read something else. 
> 
> Love and bullshit,  
> Fish

Leia sat barefooted at her mother’s monument trying not to feel intimidated by the rather large goddess carved from marble standing guard. She’d lain flowers at its base and now she sat with her hand pressed against the surface of the monument where mother lie entombed. 

Mara watched her from a ways off, giving her space. She watched her curl up next to the large edifice and press her cheek against the cool marble. She could feel her sorrow build up and overtop her normal emotional boundaries. She could feel her break and as much as she wanted to give her space, her grief compelled her to move to her. She’d felt Vader’s grief for Padme, but it was always tinged with rage. She’d never felt sorrow like Leia’s, pure and without anger. 

“Leia.” She spoke hitting her knees next to her. 

Leia looked at her. “I couldn’t get home.” 

Mara took her into her arms. 

“I didn’t get to say goodbye. I didn’t get to tell her that I loved her.” 

“She knew, you know she knew. I see the way you and your father are, you can tell that you come from a loving family.” 

“If something were to happen to papa it would kill me. I—I don’t know what I do if I lost them both.” 

Mara sat back with her in her arms. 

Leia sighed holding tight. 

“It’s alright.” Mara held her so tightly that she thought she would break. “It’s alright to cry Leia, you’re not a droid or a sith, you’re human and it hurts. If it didn’t hurt there’d be something wrong with you.” 

Leia clung to Mara’s borrowed Jedi robes and just lost herself in her sorrow. Mara just held her wrapping her in the comfort of her force signature. She loved her, gods she loved her and the more their force signatures intertwined the harder she fell.

..

Mara handed Leia a cup of caff and sat down with her in her study. Leia reached out to her and she moved closer. She watched her tuck her feet underneath herself and curl up against her. 

“You handled my little breakdown very well.” Leia spoke, her voice huskier than normal from crying. 

“You needed comfort.” 

“Hmm.” Leia assessed her. 

“Drink your caff, it will help your throat.” 

Leia sipped her caff and continued to reach out with the force. Mara felt calm and yet she felt concerned, worried and her care for her rose off of her like heat, though those heat waves could have been something else in conjunction with care. Oh. She walked right into it. Mara wanted her. She was trying to hide it from her but it was there. Leia reached out and Mara looked at her, knowing she’d felt it, feeling her feel it. 

Leia cleared her throat and set down her caff. When she sat back up she moved to look at her, to see into her eyes. She could tell a lot about Mara by looking into her eyes. They’d been her tell that night in the alley and as she looked into them, they were her tell once again. They were a very rare shade of blue green and in the right light they almost glowed. They reminded her of star flowers and her coronation gown from when she was just a girl. She wondered for a moment of her mother would have laughed at the idea of her daughter falling in love with someone whose eyes were the same as her coronation color. 

Leia wasn’t sure who made the first move, but she’d been pacing herself for weeks since bringing Mara to Alderaan and she’d needed something to happen, some sort of catalyst or forward momentum to transition their relationship from restrained casual kisses to this moment. 

Mara sighed feeling Leia’s hands slip inside her robes and over the Leichtenstein force lightning scars on her torso. Her touch like balm for the burning sensation that still lurked there under the surface, easing the constant reminder of her early disobedience. She breathed out carefully, relieved that her body didn’t protest, that she didn’t flinch. She’d spent her life flinching, she didn’t want to flinch away from Leia. 

Leia could feel her tension across their connection. “Talk to me.” She spoke suddenly aware of the possibility of trauma and fear in relation to touch. Touch had always been something given with love and gentleness to Leia; hugs and reassurances from her mother and father and later deep soul crushing caresses from her lovers. It was different for Mara, she could feel it. For Mara, touch always hurt, was always a punishment. 

“I’m alright.” She breathed. 

“Stay here with me.” Leia pressed her forehead against hers. 

Mara nodded. “This might be a slow process.” She admitted. 

“It’s alright.” 

She’d had lovers before but never with tenderness. They’d been rushed encounters in alcoves, the other person always afraid that they’d be discovered and punished or killed for fraternizing with The Heir of Vader. Leia was tender and gentle and everything that Mara had always wished for, but never dared hope to have. 

She closed her eyes and tried to push all of her self doubt down and out of this moment as Leia’s hands moved and she rested her body against her. She worried that her scarred hands against Leia’s soft skin wouldn’t feel right that she’d feel her hesitate at the unpleasantness, she fought her own mind and slipped her hands under the hem of Leia’s shirt. Leia paused and pressed her finger to her lips tenderly listening to footsteps pass by the door. Mara smiled at her and reached out toward the door flicking her wrist, the door instantly locking. Leia smiled at her. 

“You read my mind.” She spoke gently. 

Mara smiled at her and shifted underneath her slipping her fingers into her hair and pulling her close. Leia liked this sudden confidence as Mara kissed her slowly, slow she’d always wanted sex to be slow and luxurious and maddening instead of a rushed heat. Leia ran her hand along the outside of her thigh taking the hint, every movement a slow smoldering fire. 

“You’ve done this a few times.” Mara breathed. 

Leia smiled at her. “It’s all the white, everyone expects me to be some sort of blushing virgin.” She kissed her. “M’not.” 

Mara smiled at her. She hadn’t smiled as much in her entire life as she had with Leia here on Alderaan. The war raged around them and the Emperor still ruled the galaxy with a fascist iron fist, but here in this ancient wood paneled room amid the crackle of the real fireplace and Leia’s gentle subconscious moans, she felt happiness for the first time. She watched Leia sit up for a moment and pull off her shirt. Mara sat up and shrugged out of her robes, slipping her arms around her pressing her forehead against hers. 

Leia smiled at her. “There you are.” She spoke feeling her unhook her basics. 

Mara kissed her. “I want you.” She spoke through the kiss. “I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night in cold sweat for weeks.” 

“That might have been me.” Leia pushed her back onto her back. 

“Oh, it was definitely you.” Mara’s eyes flashed for the first time since their duel in the alley, blue this time instead of orange. 

Leia kissed her unfastening her pants. “As sexy as it is to see you walking around in my clothes, these have got to go.” She spoke with her lips against her collarbone. 

Mara arched her back as Leia discarded her pants. 

“Hmm, that answers that question.” She laughed a little moving to kiss her. 

“What?” Mara breathed looking down at their bodies intertwined on the old creaky leather sofa. 

“You match.” 

Mara laughed. “So do you.” 

“Never been with a red head before, blondes don’t match, brunettes do, I didn’t realize.” Her voice hitched as Mara shifted against her. 

Mara laughed worked her way down her body. “Leia Organa didn’t know something?” 

Leia tilted her head against her stomach and smiled at her. “I don’t know everything.” 

“I was under the impression that you did.” 

“Oh?” 

Mara nodded. 

“I do know a couple of things.” She teased shifting on the creaky sofa. 

Mara laughed. 

Leia smiled at her and let her hand drift up the inside of her thigh and...

“Leia.” Mara breathed. 

“That’s one.” She spoke wryly. 

“Please.” 

Leia smiled. “That’s two.” 

Mara almost came apart as Leia quickly learned where her edge was and how to get her right there and pull back until she begged. She pushed her and pulled back, driving her out of her mind. 

“Gods.” Mara breathed as Leia pressed her thigh against her and watched her recover. “Leia.” 

“You alright?” 

“I think someone came in here and took all of the bones out of my body.” 

Leia laughed. 

“Gods, I’ve never...”

“I know.” 

“I felt weightless.” 

Leia kissed her gently and looked at her chrono. “Shit.” 

“What?” Mara spoke thickly. 

“The debriefing.” Leia sat up. 

Mara furrowed her eyebrows at her. 

“What?” 

“You didn’t, I wanted this to be a mutual thing.” 

“Sex isn’t always mutual and sometimes really good sex is really one sided.” She got up. “We have just enough time to shower. “I’m sure my father knows exactly what we’re up to but I’d rather not confirm it.” 

“Mara.” Leia breathed tilting her head back against her shoulder in the hot shower spray feeling her hands on her. Even rushed, she felt good. Even thought they didn’t have time. “Gods.” Her voice hitched as she watched her drop to her knees in the shower spray. She grabbed at the towel bar as her knees buckled. Mara was quick and precise as if everything had always had to happen in a very short amount of time. Her knees buckled for real this time and Mara gripped her hips and helped her down to the basin. 

“You alright?” She pressed her forehead against hers. 

“We’ve got to slow you down.” Leia breathed kissing her. “I want that to last a lot longer next time.” 

Mara smiled weakly. “I’ve always had to rush.” 

“We’ll work on it.” Leia kissed her. “Practice makes perfect.”


	5. Winter

Bail shook his head reading the intel brief from Mon Mothma he’d read so many times he’d almost memorized it. He could tell by the sound of Winter’s brisk footsteps in the hall that she had not been able to find Leia. Winter was having a difficult time trusting Mara with Leia. Adopted late, Winter was a few years older than Leia, enough to be protective, annoyingly so according to her younger sister. 

Winter walked into the family kitchen. “I can’t find Leia.” She spoke shrugging. 

“Mara is missing as well, yes?” Bail looked up and into Winter’s intense blue eyes. 

Winter nodded crossing her arms across her chest. 

“Don’t go looking for them.” Bail gestured for her to join him. “Leia was going to lie flowers at your mother’s grave, I can imagine they’re probably hiding out somewhere dealing with that.” 

Winter raised an eyebrow. “So you want to hold the briefing later so they can...”

“Don’t.” He lowered his eyebrows at her. “I’ve changed briefing times for you and Tycho many times.” 

Winter ran her fingers through her hair, a stark contrast to Leia’s, cut short and almost platinum. “Tycho was never an Imperial Agent.” 

“Mara was kidnapped as a child and trained against her will. She has scars all over her body from trying to resist. She’s with us now stop being so hard on her.” 

“I don’t trust her.” She sat down her annoyance broadcast by her movements. 

“Leia trusts her.” Bail spoke gently. “Leia can feel her true nature, and she trusts her so I trust her as well.” 

Winter sighed pouring a cup of caff from the carafe on the table. “I’m worried about Leia, papa. She hasn’t been herself since we lost mum.” 

“I’m fine, and I don’t need you to worry about me.” Leia spoke walking in with Mara. “Sorry, we’re late papa.” 

“It’s fine Lelila, did you visit with your mother?” Bail spoke smiling gently and keeping any sign of annoyance out of his voice. He agreed with Winter, Leia was still deeply affected by her mother’s passing and so maybe he was being more gentle with her than he’d normally be, but he was sure that Leia was right about Mara. 

She nodded sitting down and pouring a cup of caff. 

“Good. Are you okay?” 

She shrugged sipping her caff as Mara sat down with her. “I—I don’t know, papa...I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay again.” 

Mara rested her hand on her knee gently, trying to shore her up with physical reassurances

Winter looked into her caff and then at Leia. “The monument makes it real, doesn’t it?” 

Leia nodded not really wanting to talk about it, not really wanting comfort. At this point in her own private grief response comfort and condolences were more likely to make her cry than to soothe her pain. 

Winter slipped her arm around her and kissed her temple. “This is why I’m worried about you. You have this huge mission coming up and you’re still mourning so deeply.” 

“I’m alright.” She stiffened and sniffed a bit and clearing her throat and pushing her sorrow down as far as she could. She didn’t like to share her grief, it was private and she preferred to keep it that way. 

Mara rubbed her knee gently, keeping contact and keeping her calm knowing she’d either cry or lash out at Winter. She wasn’t angry with Winter, as much as she was just angry. Winter had been with their mother, Winter had been able to say goodbye. Leia, Leia had been stuck on the Senate floor in a 96 hour filibuster while her mother seemed to hang on as long as she could, finally letting go just 45 minutes before Leia walked through the door to the winter castle master suite. The family had not returned to the winter castle and no plans to do so, opting instead to spend the coming winter the smaller more intimate summer castle. 

Tycho cleared her throat feeling the tension as she entered the room and sat down with Winter. “The Invictus is ready for intergalactic travel whenever Leia is ready to return to Coruscant.” 

“I’m not quite ready.” Leia spoke looking at her hands in her lap. “I just want to be home for a while.” She placed her hand over Mara’s and looked at her. 

“When Leia does return to Coruscant, you will be returning with her as a part of her security detail, Mara.” 

“Alright.” She spoke looking at Leia. “I’m not sure it’s wise for me to visible, Viceroy. Coruscant is crawling with Imperials, I’m pretty distinctive.” 

“We could die your hair.” Winter suggested sounding more flippant than she’d meant to. “I’d bet that’d make you less distinctive.” 

Mara shrugged. 

Leia laughed into her caff and Mara punched her shoulder gently. 

“What?” Winter looked at them. 

Leia bit her lip. “No, no that’s a great idea. You’ll have to color match her...” She trailed off burying her face in Mara’s shoulder. 

Tycho laughed catching the joke and cleared her throat taking a long drink of her fizz aide. 

Bail raised an eyebrow and his mouth curling slightly as he tried to keep from laughing with Tycho. He’d caught the reference but he wasn’t prepared to dignify it by acknowledging it. He knew Leia’s sense of humor and was accustomed to her occasional moments of humorous inappropriateness. He cleared his throat and began. “We have information that Jyn Erso the daughter of the Death Star designer, Galen Erso knows where the plans are hidden. She is convinced that he built in a flaw because he was forced under duress to build the space station. Leia you and Mara will be tracking Jyn Erso down, Mara this is obviously something you are very good at. You’ll need to work at tracking Erso while Leia reassumes her duties on the Senate. If we are successful, we could destroy the Death Star and finally get the upper hand.” 

“Are you sure she’s ready so close to mother’s death?” Winter cut in. 

“I’m fine.” Leia spoke tersely, quickly tiring of Winter’s over protectiveness. “I am just fine.” 

Winter rolled her eyes, knowing Leia well enough to know that she was still far from being herself and even further from being “just fine.” 

“Here’s the information we have on Jyn Erso.” Bail handed Mara a datapad. “Leia, your mission framework has been sent to you.” 

Mara nodded setting up the retinal scan so that she could access her new Alliance issue datapad. 

“Tycho, Winter, you’re on standby for this part of the mission.” He spoke knowing that now was not the right time to pair Winter with Leia. “Once we track down Jyn and we know for sure she has the plans we start phase two and we bring you in.” 

“Mara, do you fly?” Bail spoke sending her the schematics for the Invictus.

“I was a trained Tie Fighter pilot.” 

“Good, you’ll be flying the Invictus to Coruscant with Leia while Tycho and Winter stay here on Alderaan preparing for phase two.” 

“What’s the projected time frame?” Leia looked over the framework for phase one. 

“Six months to a year start to finish, as far as we know she has yet to locate the plans.” 

“Jyn Erso?” Mara looked up from her intel dossier. “That’s her name?” 

Leia looked at her. “Do you know her?” 

Mara nodded. “She’s an Imperial, or she was.” 

“Do you think she’d trust you enough to meet with you?” Bail appraised her. 

“Vader used to show off my strength to the enlisted, lest they decide to spy for the Alliance. So, no I don’t think that would be a very good idea.” Mara shook her head. “But she might meet with Leia.” 

“He lost quite an asset when you defected.” Winter spoke wryly. “Didn’t he?” 

Leia narrowed her eyes at Winter. “Really? Are you enjoying yourself?” 

Winter shrugged innocently as Tycho squeezed the bridge of her nose, knowing they were in for an Organa household row, even she could feel the tension building up between the sisters. 

“And we’ve gained quite an asset with her defection.” Bail spoke up trying to ease the tension between Winter and Leia. “Anything else stand out, Mara?” 

“Bhodi Rook.” Mara spoke up. “Great pilot, bit of a hotshot but really great instincts.” 

“You knew him?” Leia looked at her. 

She nodded. “I was kept at a distance, but I really liked running maneuvers with him.” 

“How do you think they will react to seeing that you’ve defected.” 

“They’ll be quite surprised, I assure you. They’ll probably think it’s some sort of trap. That’s why I think Leia is better off reaching out.” 

“Do you have something you need to say to me?” Leia spoke catching Winter after the briefing. 

Winter sighed. 

“If you’re going to be part of this mission.” Leia spoke looking up at her. “I need to know what your problem is.” Even with the substantial height difference between the two, Leia had always been a bit more intimidating, especially when she flattened her affect to hide anger. 

Winter took her hand led her into the private lounge shutting the doors behind them. “Sit.” She spoke walking with her over to the lounger. 

Leia rolled her eyes and sat down, Winter was always so dramatic. “Just fucking tell me.” 

“I don’t trust Mara.” Winter spoke sitting down with her. “I’m sorry Leia, I’m trying but I just don’t trust her.” 

“Yeah, you’ve made that obvious.” Leia crossed her arms across her chest. 

“I’m sorry.” Winter turned toward her. 

Leia sighed keeping her posture closed. “I wish you were a force worker.” 

“Frankly, I’m happy not to be, you feel things so much more intensely than the rest of us, your emotions are so much harder to manage.” 

“Thanks.” Leia leaned forward stole two cigarettes out of her father’s cigarette box on the caff table. “So you hate Mara and you think I’m unstable.” 

“I don’t hate Mara, and it’s no secret that you are occasionally a bit unstable Leia.” 

“Fuck off.” Leia spoke lighting up, but there wasn’t any malice behind it. 

“Are you sure she’s not just playing the long game, that all of this defecting and turning to the light side talk isn’t just bullshit to get close to you?” She took the second cigarette from Leia and lit up, she didn’t often smoke but if there were an appropriate time, this was certainly it. 

“Even Master Tano thinks she’s telling the truth.” Leia examined her cigarette. 

“What?” 

“These must be old.” She spoke picking a piece of tobacco off of her lip. 

“Stale.” Winter commented. 

“Listen, I felt her turn.” Leia turned to her, opening her her posture. “I felt the darkness leave her, I felt her connection to Vader sever.” 

“You’re moving so fast. It frightens me, especially the timing so close to losing mum. I feel like you’re really vulnerable right now, and I’m worried that if this is an act, that she’s exploiting that.” 

“We force bonded, it wasn’t on purpose and I don’t know why it happened.” She shook her head. “It’s the force bond, it makes everything more intense. I’ve tried to slow it down, but I can’t stop it.” 

“Leia I’m just worried.” She took her hand. “Your my sister, and just by existing you’re at risk of capture. It terrifies me, and now there’s this Imperial Agent, defector or not and she’s been recruited into the Alliance, she’s your mission partner.” 

Leia nodded. 

“You’re my best friend Leia, and mum is gone and I can’t lose you too.” Winter spoke, rushing before Leia could speak, her voice breaking. “I don’t think I could bear it.” 

Leia wiped her eyes. “Winter, I just need you to trust me.” 

“Have you gone to bed with her?” 

Leia nodded. 

“Oh, Leia.” Winter rubbed her hand over her face. 

“Knock it off, you went to bed with Ty the first night you met her.” 

“She wasn’t an Imperial Agent, Lei.” 

“I’m not having this conversation with you.” Leia snuffed out her cigarette and got up. “You’re wrong, alright?” 

“Okay, say I’m wrong, but I’ve barely spoken with her since you brought her here, I just don’t know her and the two of you have been so fucking sequestered that I’ve barely had a chance to talk to you.” 

Leia nodded. “Want to get together tonight? You and Ty and Mara and I?” 

“It would be nice to spend some time with you, and I’d like to get to know her.”


	6. Quiet

Mara sat curled up in the lounge, with its gilded plaster ceilings and crystal chandeliers a throwback to a different era. The palace had been built around forty years prior and when she’d felt intimidated, Leia had assured her that this palace was rarely used for formal gatherings.  The Queen and the Viceroy had decided years before that the Summer Palace would be for family only and that the more substantial winter palace would be their formal home.

Mara had still been intimidated by the palatial home even as she sat reading the intel Bail had given her, trying to learn who their contacts were.  She zoned out staring at the oil paintings of Leia’s ancestors; she felt like they were there judging her, she could almost hear their whispers. She shook it off and went back to trying to get inside of the mind of Jyn Erso like she’d done so many times before, but once again she found herself distracted as she stared out at the massive arched iron and glass windows, these weren’t the windows that Leia had blown out over a puppy, but the puppy was here asleep in the sunlight cast from the old warped glass. She marveled at the mosaic of autumn colors as the ancient trees danced in the mid-afternoon wind and eventually tried to get her head back into her work.  

She looked down to her datapad and found that its screen had gone dark during her reverie and forced herself back to focusing on her information just as she’d done with Leia, before she had brought her back from the all encompassing darkness she’d lived in from the moment she’d given into her training.  Back then she lived in a cold sterile cubicle made of durasteel and artificial lighting, all cold deck plates and sharp angles. Before when her only focus was her work. When if she wasn’t interpreting intel she was working as an assassin or punishing willful sentients troops. Thinking about her old life almost made her vomit, she could taste the bile rising in her throat.  She pulled herself out of her thoughts and took in the warmth of the sunlight from the windows, and the smell of old leather and years of tobacco smoke.

She looked up from her datapad, thinking about that little sliver of light that she’d always held onto, even at her darkest, even when she’d forced herself to believe in the dark side to the point that it gave her life, and yet she still hung onto that light.  That little sliver of light that Leia had somehow found and ripped wide open, eclipsing the darkness. She’d hidden that light, held it close to her chest for so long, her only memory. Her mother’s voice, _I love you, sweetheart, it’s going to be alright._  The last thing she’d said to her before Vader had ripped her out of her mother’s arms.  

Mara let her head fall into her hands, hearing her mother’s screams as if she were right there in the room.  She heard her own screams and she felt the cold leather of Vader’s glove creaking as it closed around her arm.  She could still hear the servos in his hand as his fingers bruised the tender flesh of her arm for the first time.  The longer the bond with Vader was broken, the more flashes of memories flashed before her eyes. She’d been hiding her nightmares for days, not wanting to be a bother, knowing that Leia had enough going on with the loss of her mother and the conflict that her presence had caused with Winter.  

She smelled smoke and she knew that it was in her mind she could hear Vader’s breathing in her ear, and that terrifying symphonic voice-- _Let the hate flow freely through you child, and someday you won’t remember this._  She dug her thumbnail into her palm trying to stay in the present, trying to will herself to stay right here in this lounge, in this beautiful setting surrounded by people who cared about her and the old money opulence of the palace.  Her old wounds burned under her clothes as a constant reminder of her past, and she wondered if the scars burned into her flesh glowed blue like Palpatine’s lightning had when he’d admonished her for resisting her training.

She forced herself to stand, forced herself to walk just a bit, just enough to shake her memories, just enough to bring herself back.  “Gods,” she breathed. Everything, every movement hurt, but she kept moving until the visions cleared, until she couldn’t smell her parents’ home burning, knowing even as a child that they had burned within it.  

“Fuck,” her voice shook as she sat back down, feeling cold, so fucking cold her scars burning and her hands shaking, tears falling from her eyes without her permission.  She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and tried once again to focus her thoughts, tried to bring herself back to some sort of coherence. She’d been here as a guest of the family for a few weeks, they had housed her and fed her and clothed her without reservation, the least she could do was her job.  

“Fuck,”  she muttered again when the tears just wouldn’t stop and she knew she was coming apart. She could feel it as she set down her data pad, sighed and took one of the cigarettes from the box on the caff table.  She lit up and frowned.

“Stale?”  Winter spoke standing in the doorway, arms crossed across her chest, and Mara wondered how long she’d been watching her.  She wondered how much of her vulnerability she’d seen. She looked for some cue from her, other than her closed body language and found none.  

Mara nodded, snuffing the cigarette out in a crystal ashtray.

“Can I join you?”  Winter spoke gently, and Mara knew she’d seen too much.  

She shrugged, wiping her eyes.  She ran her fingers through her hair, trying and failing miserably to play off her emotions.

“You alright?”  Winter sat down with her on the old bantha leather sofa, turned toward her still keeping a respectful distance, not close like she’d be with Leia but not so distant as she would be with a stranger or an asset.  

Mara sighed.  “I don’t know.”  

“You want to talk about it?”  Winter handed her a pack of cigarettes.  

Mara lit up and looked out the large windows that overlooked the forest.  “I’m not even sure with ‘it’ is,” she spoke counting the panes of wavy glass--each individual piece in the massive arched frame.  She focused on the windows to quell the nervousness that Winter stirred in her. Oddly, she felt reassured by the delicate hardware of the doors that led out into the gardens.  

Winter nodded, resisting the urge to reach out to her like she would Leia, unsure of Mara’s comfort level with her.  

Mara shook her head staring down into her lap at the smoldering cigarette between her fingers.  “I keep hearing my mother’s voice.”

“What does she say?”  

“Her last words to me before Vader killed her,”  she took a long drag as she spoke trying to keep her breathing steady as she recounted her afternoon flashback, trying to sound as if it were the most mundane event in the world.  

Winter sighed.  “I’m so sorry.”

Mara nodded not meeting Winter’s eyes.  

“I’m serious,” Winter touched her shoulder tentatively, unable to resist the urge to offer some comfort. “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you.”

Mara bit the inside of her cheek to keep from reflexively shrugging off Winter’s hand; knowing full well that refusing such an unexpected, gentle offering would slow any forward progress between them. She thought of how important it was to Leia that the two of them be friends, or at least get along. “I’m alright,” she managed through gritted teeth, hoping Winter wouldn’t notice her tensing up.

“My parents are dead too,” Winter spoke quietly. She retracted her hand and folded it back into her lap, the gesture reminiscent of a child who knew better, but had done it anyway, just to see what it would feel like.

Mara looked at her, not expecting Winter to be so willingly vulnerable.  

“Leia and I, we’re both adopted.  My mother was Bail’s assistant, she was killed trying to protect him from an assassin.  My father died somewhere on the outer rim gathering intel for the Rebellion,” Winter spoke wanting Mara to know that she understood the emptiness and the ache.  She was surprised that her eyes stung as she spoke and she closed her eyes for a moment quelling the ill-timed flow of tears. The absolute last thing she wanted to do was diminish Mara’s grief with her own.  

“I’m sorry,” Mara spoke gently in a tone that Winter was sure she’d only used with Leia as she reached out and squeezed her hand gently, reassuringly.    

Winter continued, as if urged on by Mara’s unexpected comfort, “I was ten,” she shook her head slowly.   

Mara inclined her head toward Winter and nodded, “I was four, I don’t know why I remember that,” she shrugged dismissively still holding Winter’s hand.  

“It’s strange what we remember,” Winter offered gently.  

“Yeah,”  Mara spoke trailing off, speaking more inwardly than outwardly.  

“You want some caff?”  Winter offered, breaking the unbearable silence that had begun to fill the room.  

She shrugged and watched Winter get up without further prompting.  Mara stared at the empty space Winter had left when she’d retreated to the family kitchen, presumably to collect herself. Mara knew the offer of coffee just an excuse to move away from the sorrow that had filled the space between them.  

“Are you always quiet?”  Winter spoke returning with coff and setting a cup of caff down for her as she  curled up on the lounger with her own, seemingly more comfortable with Mara than before.  

Mara shook her head, “I just don’t know who I am anymore.”  

Winter nodded, she understood what it was like to shut off her feelings for a mission, but she couldn’t imagine being forced to do so for her entire life.  She watched Mara and began to understand the sort of emotional abuse that she had lived through. She let her guard down a bit and felt like she was beginning to see what Leia saw.    

“I was a weapon,” Mara continued, “I wasn’t allowed to feel for so long. It wasn’t my job and so my capacity to feel was taken from me.  But with the bond broken, I can feel again and I don’t know what to do with it.”

“Have you talked to Ahsoka?”  

She shook her head.  

“She helps Leia when feeling too much becomes overwhelming.”  

Mara furrowed her eyebrows at her.  “What do you mean?”

“I shouldn’t be telling you this,” Winter sighed, “ Leia is going to kill me.”  

Mara sipped her caff.  “Then you probably shouldn’t tell me,”  she spoke simply wanting to end the conversation before Winter had a chance to tell her something that she knew should come from Leia, and only Leia. “Thanks for the caff.”  

Winter shook her head.  “Listen, even at her happiest, no matter how much our parents loved her, Leia suffered.  I remember when she was just a child she was plagued with these horrible stomach pains. None of our royal medics could find a reason for it and so Leia learned to stop complaining and start covering up.  She covered up with sarcasm and stern looks, refusing to let herself outwardly feel too much, even though inwardly she felt everything and everything was magnified. Her friends’ stress was her stress, their pain was her pain,” Winter shook her head.  

Mara nodded looking at her hands, wondering what Winter’s motives were in telling her all of this.  

“A book devoured as a desperate escape and a cuticle torn and bloodied.  When she was probably twelve and I was sixteen I showed her how to make little cuts on the inside of her thighs so no one would see them, but I don’t think she ever tried it and I don’t think she ever told anyone,” Winter continued, shaking her head and looking at her hands.  “Instead she just kept feeling too much and tearing at her cuticles. Ahsoka has helped her a lot but there’s only so much she can do. She gets down sometimes and she takes a lot of risks sometimes. She completely turns off her feelings and gets quiet, like you are right now.”  

“Leia really should have been the one to tell me that,”  Mara spoke, shaking her head.

“Does it change anything?”  

“No.”  She looked at Winter,  “Did you intend for it to?”  

Winter winced, that was not her intent.  “I just thought you might need…”

“A warning?”  

“No, you’re misunderstanding.”  

Mara raised her eyebrows at her.  

Winter shrugged.  “Never mind, I just wanted you to understand that there’s help.”  

Mara nodded, “I know you don’t trust me with her.”  

“Honestly, I don’t trust anyone with Leia, and what I told you is why,” Winter threw up her hands in frustration. This wasn’t about Mara and Leia, this was about Leia.  “She doesn’t seem as fragile as she is and so no, I don’t trust you with her not yet.”

Mara watched her.

Winter pointed to her own chest, “She’s my little sister and I’ve always protected her.  It’s always been me or Tycho, we’ve always been there to keep her safe. I don’t like that papa is pulling Tycho off this mission and putting you in her place.”  

“I’ll keep her safe.”  Mara looked at her, “I’m specifically trained for that.”  

Winter nodded.  “Mara?” she added in the silence that had begun to stretch between them again,  “I need you to promise me something.”

“I don’t know if I can,”  Mara murmured knowing what she was going to ask.  

Winter nodded, knowing better, knowing that she’d hurt Tycho and Tycho had hurt her over the years they’d been together.  “I know, I know,” she sighed.

Mara sat still letting the silence unfold around them as she waited for Winter to leave.  She knew that Winter was trying in her own way to be helpful, but she just wasn’t sure of her motives.  She got up and let herself out onto the deck off the lounge, appreciating the crisp autumn afternoon. Mara marveled at the multi-colored leaves of the trees around her.  Having spent most of her time on a ship, she wasn’t used to the sounds of chirping birds and the way that the leaves rustled in the wind. It was like music, a beautiful composition that everyone else saw as mundane.  Mara looked out across the lawns, not as well kept as she’d imagined. Mara had learned during her time on Alderaan that the Summer Palace was much more of a private space than the Winter Castle. The winters were long on Alderaan and the royal family spent a lot more time there.  The summer retreat was more of a private holiday place for the family, and therefore not as meticulously kept, just as the Organa household was more relax and at ease here than they would be at the Winter Palace.

She looked down at herself, her intimidating black Vader-like suit made of stiff bantha leather and metal now replaced with Leia’s soft Jedi robes of chamois and soft doe leather.  She knew that this was a calm period before their lives started back up in the intensity of war, yet she felt so calm now -- _so different_ \-- if not at peace with her past but at least she felt safe here.  Bail Organa, one of the secret leaders of the Rebellion, had assured her that she would not be used as a weapon any longer.  That her life was more important than her skills as an assassin. Admittedly it was taking time for her to adjust being treated like a sentient human with her own agency and right to her own choices, but she was learning again how to stop, how to breathe and how taking a moment for herself was perfectly acceptable, when before everything was about the mission.

“Mara,” Bail’s voice with its gentle tone and easy Moccoan accent shook her from her thoughts, “Everything alright?” he spoke joining her on the patio.  

She nodded clearing her throat,  “I was just getting back to work.”  

He crossed his arms and looked at her, raising an eyebrow, assessing her as he’d assessed Leia time and time again.  “I didn’t come out here to make sure you were staying on task. You’ve been through a lot, in a short period of time.  I thought I should check on you.”

“I haven’t changed my mind,” Mara spoke quietly.   

“Mija,” Bail opened his posture, “I didn’t expect you had.”  

She nodded, looking out into the forests.  

Bail followed her gaze. “Leia used to run off into the forests when she was just a girl and the Force overwhelmed her.”  

Mara nodded.  

“She’d be gone for days.  Ahsoka helped us understand that she just needed some space.”  

“She had a hard time with it,”  Mara looked at him, wanting _his_ confirmation of Winter’s words.  

“Si,” Bail nodded.  “It’s gotten better as she’s aged, but I think she still has dark times. She’s just better at hiding them.”  

Mara nodded in agreement, that much she could feel about Leia.  

Bail looked out toward the bordering forest, “I had a little chalet built for her several years ago, I thought you two might want to get away for awhile before you leave for Coruscant.”  

Mara looked at him.  

He rested his hand on her shoulder and she could feel his concern for her as well as for Leia, “this can’t be easy for you.”  

“It is rather awkward,”  She agreed.

He nodded, “I can imagine.”  

She ran her fingers through her hair.  “I feel like Winter is waiting for me to kidnap Leia and take her to Palpatine, or that she needs to warn me about how unstable Leia is because of the Force so that I’ll just leave.”  

Bail sighed, his frustration with Winter evident in his tone as he spoke, “Leia isn’t unstable.”  

Mara smiled.  “I didn’t think she was.”  

“Winter is just over protective and doesn’t understand how the Force impacts Leia on a day to day basis.  Leia feels to much and it is difficult for her if she doesn’t manage it well. She’s learned how to manage it, Ahsoka has been crucial in helping her learn how to deal with what the Force evokes in her emotional consciousness.”  Bail squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, like a father as if he were on her side, “I’ll talk to her.”

She shook her head,  “It’s fine, she’s her sister…”

“Leia’s had a enough of it as well,” Bail waived his hand dismissively, “I know how to be discreet.”  

She smiled at him.  

He hugged her gently,  “You’re doing just fine,” he held her shoulders firmly, assessing her again.  “Alright?”

She smiled at him.  

\------------------------

Leia sat up in her bed, her heart crashed against her ribs and every hair on her body on end.  She tried to catch her breath and listen in the darkness. She was almost positive she’d heard a scream rip through a rare peaceful dream.  She sat there in the shadows cast from her fireplace, her covers thrown back, listening beyond the pounding of her heart, focusing on the feel of her lightsaber clutched tightly in her hand, waiting…

“Leia?”  Winter rushed in,  “I heard screaming.”  

“It’s not me,”  Leia cleared her throat.    

“Mara,”  Winter spoke knowingly,  “It’s got to be Mara.”

Leia sighed, annoyed with Winter’s tone as she got up hearing Mara’s screams pierce the night once again,  “just go back to bed.”

Winter watched Leia let herself into Mara’s room. She’d been surprised to find that Leia had been sleeping alone;  she had absolutely expected Leia to have moved Mara into her suite. They had been showing restraint, just as Leia had tried to tell her.  She suspected that after this Leia would probably insist that Mara move into her room, and she couldn’t blame her, she thought as she let herself back into her room.    

“Leia alright?”  Tycho asked as Winter shut their door behind herself.  

“It’s not Leia,”  Winter spoke quietly,  “It’s Mara.”

Tycho frowned.  “She okay?”

Winter shrugged, still standing.  “They don’t sleep together, so I don’t know.”  

“Hmm...”  Tycho raised her eyebrows.  “Maybe it’s time for you to dial back the protective-older-sister shit and let Leia navigate her own relationship.”  

Winter nodded hugging her chest.  

“Come back to bed,”  Tycho spoke patting the mattress next to her.  

\------------------------

  
Down the hall from Winter’s room, Leia could feel Mara’s terror as walked quietly over to where she slept, curled up tight on her side, sobbing as if her world had been destroyed. And Leia realized that it had, years before, and as time went on Mara was feeling more and more of it.  

Leia sat down carefully on the edge of her bed. “Mara,”  she whispered, running her fingers through her hair gently it was soaked with sweat, as if she’d been fighting something in her sleep, what—Leia had no idea.  “Mara?” she whispered again.

This time Mara cried out for her mother and Leia’s heart shattered.  

“Mara,”  she spoke gently, but a little louder this time and with a little more firmness to her voice, reaching out with the Force to try and wake her.  

Mara grabbed her instinctively and wrapped her arms around her waist, breaking the surface of her nightmare with gasping sobs, and Leia realized how incredibly selfish she’d been.  Mara had acted as if she were fine, and Leia hadn’t even thought of checked in with her to make sure. Instead, she’d gone on living her incredibly privileged life, safe in her family home and surrounded by the people she loved, focused completely on her own grief, ignoring Mara’s trauma until it reached its boiling point.  

“I’m sorry,”  she soothed, holding her as she shook,  “I’m so sorry.”

“Leia?”  Mara spoke, trying to catch her breath.  

“It’s alright,”  Leia whispered, her voice tight in her throat, trying to soothe her, trying to calm her panic, wrapping her Force presence around her.  She held her and just wrapped herself tighter around her in the Force, just trying to hold her together. “I’m right here, you’re safe.”  She held her waiting for her to stabilize, waiting for her breathing to deepen and her pounding heart to slow to its normal rhythm. She just waited holding her, trying to soothe her; rubbing her back through her sweat-soaked nightshirt and running her fingers through her hair damp and knotted with tangles, just trying to keep her connected until Mara eventually shifted in her arms and sat up.

Mara moved to look at her, her eyes glowing that odd greenish-blue in the dim environmental lights of the room.  Leia reached up to stroke her cheek. “This is getting ridiculous,” she spoke quietly, her voice low and husky from sleep, but still firm and insistent.  

“What?”  Mara spoke grabbing her hand in the darkness, needing the reassurance that Leia wasn’t talking about their relationship.  

“This, you and I trying not to be lovers.”  She got up, squeezing Mara’s hand tighter, “come on we’re done with this.”  She pulled her to her feet. “You’re having night terrors, you’re not sleeping alone.”  

Mara sighed, letting her lead her down the hall to her room.  “I thought we weren’t going to do this.”

“We weren’t but you’re screaming in your sleep,”  Leia answered simply, getting back into bed. “You’re not sleeping alone.”  

“Lei…”  Mara started, standing next to her bed.  

“Would you want me to sleep alone if I were screaming like that?”  

Mara shook her head.  

Leia looked at her, holding the covers back for her.  “I’m not asking.”

Mara sighed and climbed in next to her.  “I dreamt of my mother.”

“You’re starting to remember, aren’t you?”  Leia spoke, moving her hair behind her ear.

She nodded.  

“You want to talk about it?”  

Mara moved onto her back and watched the shadows from the fireplace play across the intricately painted ceiling.  “I don’t want to think about it right now.”

Leia curled up with her head against her shoulder, slipping her hand just under the hem of her shirt and letting it rest just above her hip, warming her skin, keeping a physical connection.  “How long have you been having nightmares like that?”

Mara sighed.  “A few days.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”  Leia shifted to meet her eyes in the darkness.  

“You have enough going on.”  

Leia propped herself up on her elbow with a sigh.  “You know, we’re not just waiting to go to Coruscant because of my mother’s death, we’re trying to give you a chance to adjust to life outside of the Empire.”  

Mara sighed and moved onto her side.  Leia searched her eyes. “I need you to trust me.”  

“I do trust you,”  Mara spoke, stroking her cheek with the back of her index finger, the skin was soft there, lacking the weird grooves and scaring that made her self-conscious.  “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t trust you. I just don’t want to add to your stress.”

“Talk to me.”  Leia leaned forward kissed her gently, her lips slack, the kiss deeper than she’d intended.  “I need you to talk to me, I’m worried about you, that adds to my stress.”

Mara nodded her eyes reluctantly leaving Leia’s lips to focus on her words.  

“Don’t try to protect me, I hate that shit,” Leia added, holding her eyes, watching them soften.  

“Okay,”  Mara conceded with a tired sigh.  “I’m starting to remember things, Leia.  I thought I was taken to Vader but he was there, I hear his breathing in my sleep and I can hear my mother’s screams and I can smell the smell of my parent’s home burning and their bodies burning.  Every time I try to sleep, I relive it, all of it.”

“Will you talk to Master Tano with me?”  Leia spoke, staring intently into her eyes.  

“Will that make you feel better?”  

Leia nodded.

Mara smiled at her.  “Alright.”


	7. Sparring

From the arched window of his second story study, Bail watched Leia and Mara as they sparred in the gardens below, their lightsabers clashing, purple and gold sparks flashing against the red and oranges of autumn with each well timed strike.  He watched their movements, so similar in their style, each in dark robes.They moved as if dancing gracefully through their Dejarik game, like a dangerous ballet.He’d watched Leia learn to fight for years and he was surprised by how similarly the two women moved and how graceful their movements were.  He was mesmerized by the push and pull of the delicate dance juxtaposed against the harsh clashing of blades.His thoughts turned to Breha, who had always loved to watch Leia’s athleticism evolve over the years. _She’s doing great sweetheart, she’s making you proud._  He wiped his eyes and turned away from the window, pushing down his overwhelming grief to focus on the new intel for Leia’s mission.   

“You’re getting stronger,” Leia spoke as she and Mara’s lightsabers clashed brilliantly as they fought in the gardens of the Summer Palace.

“It still pulls a bit but I feel pretty good,” Mara gritted her teeth as their lightsabers clashed, sending sparks spraying in time with the pain in her side.

“I can definitely feel a difference,” Leia commented, pushing her sweat soaked hair out of her face as they circled each other.

“You definitely surprised me with your skill in that alley.  I thought, ah she’s a princess she’ll fight like a diplomat an easy opponent in the Shii-Cho style. You’re Shien/Juyo fighter like I am. You use your emotions in a way that most Jedi are trained not to.”Mara spoke, her voice strained with effort as they fought, “it’s really quite lovely,” she marveled watching Leia set up her next attack, _gods she loved her._   

“Master Tano taught me to fight,” Leia spoke unleashing a series offensive moves pushing Mara backwards faster than she’d normally be able to.  “Your former Master taught her,” she let up a bit noticing Mara’s weakness. 

“That explains a lot,” Mara spoke holding up her hand, her endurance starting to wan. 

“Need to rest?”  Leia spoke switching to her non-dominant handed stance.  

She shook her head breathing heavily, “I’ve got to get my endurance up. We won’t be here forever.” She held her side feeling it stitch as she moved.  

Leia nodded, letting her circle a bit, giving her a chance to breathe and recover. 

“I don’t want you having to compensate for me if we run into trouble,” she spoke feeling the lactic acid burn in her weaker healing muscles as she moved back into her fighting stance.  

“I’m positive you could hold your own, especially if I were in trouble,” Leia spoke starting her attack again. “You almost killed me while you were bleeding out.”  

That night in the alley flashed in the space between them and Mara dropped her lightsaber and stepped back. 

“Shit,” Leia hissed stopping mid swing, just missing her. Sure, their lightsabers were on spar, but it still would have hurt. 

Mara walked over to their gear and took a long drink of water, tossing the vaccutaner down and bending at the waist to catch her breath.   She groaned at the sharp burning at her side and tried to push away the memory of her lightsaber blade so close to Leia’s throat. 

Leia made eye contact with Master Tano who sat under an ancient tree keeping a watchful eye over them.  Master Tano nodded slowly and watched her pick up Mara’s lightsaber as she jogged over to her. 

“Mara?”  She spoke pressing her hand to the middle of her back gently as she leaned on her knees trying to recover from not just her lack of endurance but also the persistent visions she’d been having as of late. “Are you alright?”  

She shook her head.  

Leia slipped her arm around her waist and held her, supporting her body until she could stand back up.  “Breathe, sweetheart.” 

“Let me sit,” Mara managed, her voice shaking.  

Leia helped her sit down in the grass, “Tell me what you need.”  

Mara looked at her and Leia saw the panic in her eyes.  She saw everything, her pain, her regrets, her trauma.Leia reached out with her Force presence, reaching across their bond wrapping Mara in light, shoring her up until she relaxed, until the visions and the memories faded.

Ahsoka stayed back and let Leia handle Mara, even as much as she wanted to intervene, she knew that this was theirs to handle together.  She could feel Leia’s presence wrapping around her and she knew that she had it under control.She watched Beans get up from his favorite sunning spot on the pad by the lake and lumber over to curl up with his head in Mara’s lap, trying to help, the only way he knew how.  

Mara ran her fingers through his soft fur, he was so warm and so patient that she understood exactly how he helped Leia day to day.  Leia felt her presence loosen, like knots untying. She pressed her forehead against Mara’s temple and closed her eyes, sighing as their presences intermingled slowly and comfortably once again.  

..

Leia combed dark dye through Mara’s hair silently, with reverence, as Mara stared at the green tile walls of her bathroom and music played softly from Leia’s record player just on the other side of the door.  Mara was to start accompanying her to her Aldera Senate office and out in her day to day life.One catch by the HNN was enough to make Bail nervous. 

Mara winced as Leia caught a tangle with her fingers. Her hair wasn’t as long as Leia’s but it was thicker and so Leia had to work harder to distribute the dye evenly.  

“Sorry,” she spoke gently as she wrapped her hair in cling filmsi.  “Tilt your head down.”

“My mother’s hair was dark,” Mara spoke quietly.  

“And your father’s was like yours?”  Leia spoke stepping out of the bathing tub and slipping her gloves off, tossing them into the wastebasket as she sat down next to her.  

“I don’t remember what my father looked like,” Mara looked at her hands, “I barely remember my mother.  Her eyes were violet and her hair was dark.Her voice was kind and patient, even when when she knew she was going to die.”  

Leia took her hand, she knew that voice tone.  Her mother had used that tone when she’d known that Leia would never make it home in time to say goodbye in person.   _You do your job baby, you fight for us.  I love you, it’s going to be alright.I am so proud of you.  Fight, Lelila fight for us._

“Lei?”  Mara spoke gently, quickly shifting gears to comfort her as she watched her tears fall. 

Leia wiped her eyes, “I’m sorry.  I’m sorry.We were talking about you, and I…”  

Mara smiled weakly stroking her cheek, “We’ve both got a lot of grief between the two of us.”  

Leia nodded wiping her eyes roughly, wishing she could will the tears to stop.  

“Stop,” Mara spoke gently, cupping Leia’s face in her hands.“Stop, it’s alright.Look at me.” 

Leia looked at her feeling guilty for eclipsing Mara’s grief with her own. 

“It’s alright to feel, Lei.”Mara spoke using her thumbs to wipe away Leia’s tears, “it’s alright to grieve at the same time I do.” 

Leia nodded. 

“It’s alright.” Mara whispered kissing her.“You’re under so much pressure,” she spoke pressing her forehead against Leia’s.“You’re human, remember?Just like the rest of us, with emotions and feelings and reactions,” she kissed her again. “If you weren’t I don’t think you’d have been able to save me.”Mara stared into her eyes trying to convey her feelings to Leia, not even thinking to use the Force watching Leia avert her eyes, the intensity of the moment too much for her.“Leia,” she spoke with a gentle firmness, “look at me.” 

Leia looked at her unsure what to do with her hands as they fidgeted in her lap.She reached out with the Force trying to feel what was coming next, she'd suspected it, but it wasn’t until she felt it radiating off of her like waves similar to the heat she’d felt that first time they’d made love, gods she hated calling it that.She refocused on Mara’s presence as she held her face in her hands, her face so close to her own, her eyes almost glowing. _I love you._ Leia’s mind spun up. _Oh, fuck._ She felt it too, but the danger of their upcoming mission had stopped her in her tracks when she’d acknowledged it, but didn’t want to tell her, didn’t want to say it until they survived their mission. _Don’t say it, gods please don’t say it out loud._

“But I need to say it.” Mara whispered kissing her again.“Leia…”

“Can’t you wait until after the mission?”Leia whispered her lips against hers, “please?” 

Mara pushed through all of the alarms going off in her mind, the ones that told her to leave and never come back, Vader’s words when he’d killed a clandestine lover in front of her, y _ou are a monster, an abomination.We are alike in that way, we do not need the companionship of others._ She kept close, even though she could feel that Leia was beginning to put up her shields.“No,” her voice shook as she spoke, but she still spoke.“I love you,” she kissed her again.

Leia turned away tears stinging her eyes and Mara stayed with her, pressing her forehead against her temple the cling filmsi rustling and sticking to her skin.

Leia just breathed as if it were the most important thing that she could do in that moment.She didn’t want attachments, not this close to a mission as critical is the Erso Mission, but she had done this, she had caused this when she’d pulled Mara back from the darkness.She hadn’t intended to and she wondered if it would have happened with any other dark force worker.Where there others?Could there be, was her missing brother light or dark, did Vader have other minor apprentices or was it just Mara, The Heir of Vader. 

Mara, The Heir of Vader, she couldn’t even imagine it anymore as she felt her arms around her and her breath, thready and nervous against her ear.The same woman who had just managed to confess her love to the Princess of Alderaan, was the same woman who had set out to lure her in and kill her several months before.Leia closed her eyes and leaned against her letting her arms tighten around her, feeling her heart pound against her, feeling weightless as their force presences wrapped around each other, swirling along that line between them that had been cast in darkness like a silver rope connecting their consciousnesses.Leia couldn’t deny it any longer, she was in love with The Heir of Vader. 

A buzzer sounded somewhere outside of their shared consciousness.Leia, annoyed fought to regain connection with the room around them to stop the noise, she felt like she was coming up for air from the bottom of the sea.Mara followed staying close, sensing Leia’s vulnerability. 

Leia sat on her bed chewing on the cuticle of her thumb, as she waited for Mara to wash the excess dye out of her hair.She stared out her balcony doors, trying to think of nothing at all and trying to feel less, but she couldn’t stop thinking of Mara and the way her force presence was always just there at the edge of her consciousness, and the way that her body just ignited and burned at the thought of her.She’d been putting off having a long discussion with Master Tano, but she wasn’t sure that she could put it off any longer. 

Mara stood in the doorway towel drying her hair unnoticed as she watched Leia, watched her tear up her thumb just the way Winter had warned her.She watched blood begin to collect and run down the side of her hand.She sighed kneeling down in front of her, “Lei?” 

Leia looked at her, completely unaware of the damage she’d inflicted and watched her take her hand gently.“Sorry,” she spoke quietly watching Mara clean up the blood. 

Mara smiled tightly at her and got up, Leia watched her retrieve a bacta seal from the bathroom and resume her gentle dressing of Leia’s self inflicted wounds.“I’m not sure why you apologized to me, they’re your hands,” Mara spoke gently, checking the bacta seal. 

Leia shrugged. 

_She gets quiet._ Mara heard Winter’s words and wished she’d kept her mouth shut and let Leia tell her.“You okay?” 

Leia nodded. 

“You sure?”Mara spoke sitting with her taking her hand in both of hers to keep her from picking at the bandage. 

“I’m sure.” 

Mara sighed not really wanting to tell Leia about her conversation with Winter, but feeling that she had no other choice.“Leia,” she spoke carefully, “Winter told me.” 

“Told you what?”Leia spoke narrowing her eyes. 

“About you and the Force…” Mara started. 

“That wasn’t her place,” Leia spoke quietly, “was she trying to warn you?” 

“I—I don’t know Leia,” Mara shrugged, “I told her that it was something I needed to hear from you, but…”

“She just kept talking?”Leia asked. 

Mara nodded looking at her lap, “I don’t know if she thought it would make me feel differently about you to know that you’re vulnerable.” 

“Did it,” Leia looked at the side of her face at how different her hair dyed brown made her look, “does knowing that I’m ‘vulnerable’ make you feel differently?” 

Mara smiled shaking her head and turned to look at her, “Leia, we force bonded, I already knew.I could feel it, just like you can feel things about me.” 

Leia shook her head and looked down at their hands together in her lap, “Winter needs to stay out of my business.” 

“Still love you,” Mara spoke looking at the delicate curve of her cheekbone. 

Leia looked at her, “I guess we’re both fucked,” she spoke wryly. 

“How’s that?”Mara looked at her lips. 

“Because I’m in love with the former Heir of Vader and you’re in love with the former Princess of Alderaan,” Leia spoke kissing her.“Neither of our titles mean a damned thing anymore,” she spoke letting Mara take the kiss over, “I’ll never rule Alderaan and you’ll never rule the Empire.”

“What if you blew off work for a week?”Mara spoke kissing her neck, “we could just get away.” 

“Get away,” Leia breathed tilting her head back to accommodate her, “and go where?”

“Your father offered us your chalet in the woods,” Mara ran her fingers through her hair, stroking it away from her face, “We could go there for a while.”

Leia closed her eyes leaning back on her hands, “just what do you think you and I would do in the woods, alone?” 

“This,” Mara spoke simply kissing her gently letting the kiss evolve on its own trying to convey all of her feelings for Leia into the kiss, “everything.” 

Leia moved back toward the head of her bed; Mara stayed with her her hands slipping under the hem of her shirt, lighting fires with each touch, their presences smouldering together. 


End file.
